The Cool Greenhouse squeeze out* another new video and song ‘Get Unjaded’ as the third teaser for forthcoming ‘Sod’s Toastie’ album out in November 2022

Forget self-expression! Forget sentimentality! / Forget the Gods, forget freedom, forget offline reality!

It seems like only twelve days ago we premiered I Lost My Head by the Cool Greenhouse.


The Cool Greenhouse lo-fi, proper-indie, post-punk, weirdos treading the fine line between ‘novelty’ and self-deprecating genius. (Ged Babey -Louder Than War).


The Cool Greenhouse – the best outsider band around. Most people will hate them – but the Hip Geeks know they are the best. (Ged Babey -Louder Than War)

Rings a vague bell..

FFS Quasi. They sound a bit like the Fall but are ten times better than that other new-ish band who sound a bit like the Fall.

Ah, them! Yeah, I read about them in the Quietus in 2019! 

Here is the new video.  Get Unjaded! (now-ah!)

It’s a nice old-fashioned camcorder style job – I asked Tom Greenhouse if he had considered hiring a local am-dram troupe to act out semi-offensive representations of the working-classes to make the video palatable to a smug Uni drop out demographic?

LOL he said, Don’t be ridiculous he said. That would just show us up as fake-indie careerists. He didn’t say this, I made it up, but he probably would.

The sprechenzee lyrics are great stuff as usual:

Praying to Sally Webster and watching God on the TV / Can’t cook, won’t cook, tin foil’s only good for hats these days / Screen-time’s the new sustenance, that’s what Simon says.

Zoning out watching Youtube videos on how to suck eggs

Googling questions like: “Should I start microdosing?”

ASMR slime is set to enter the Oxford English dictionary in 2023 as ‘phrase of the year’ – well it would if I had my way.

Editing this piece in my lunch hour at work (yes, I have a day-job and do this for ‘fun’) I suddenly realised that any boss looking over my shoulder would see a lamprey illuminated by a florescent green background looking worryingly like a severed penis artful displayed … so if i am sacked it is all the fault of the titular Simon who seems to have misplaced his pet lamprey / His only form of intimacy throughout the whole of last year…

The forthcoming album, God’s Toastie is fuckin’ ace by the way.  Pre-order now and laugh when lesser bands fail to win the Mercury Prize because they will never understand that outsider music* is never loved by the public at large….

The Cool Greenhouse Link-Tree – includes videos, pre-order album and gig tickets

UK Tour Dates // January 2022

16th January 2023 – Jericho Tavern, Oxford
17th January 2023 – Voodoo Daddys, Norwich
19th January 2023 – Bodega, Nottingham
20th January 2023- Yes, Manchester
21st January 2023 – Stereo, Glasgow
22nd January 2023 – Harmonium, Edinburgh
24th January 2023 – The Adelphi, Hull
25th January 2023 – The Exchange, Bristol
26th January 2023 – Studio 9294, London
27th January 2023 – Patterns, Brighton
then loads in Europe

All words Ged Babey with press release content and voices in my head in italics.

NB.  I will not use the word ‘indie’ apropos decent independent-music-outside-of-the-mainstream and I will not say ‘drop’ instead of release… hence ‘plop’ and ‘squeeze out’…  call me old-fashioned… (GB)


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